Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Back again

Won't make any promises about "coming back for good" because I never hold up to that. Instead I just make the promise that when I do feel the urge to write I won't avoid it.

Religion & People

It has come up quite often about how people view the church. I have found that the majority of the time it isn't because of our beliefs that they ridicule is quite often based off the actions of those in the church.

To start of describing my feelings towards this we will start with Missions.

I fully support the idea of the mission. If you have felt the promptings to go on one and to serve the lord I support you for doing so. What I don't support is parents pushing their kids to go on these missions. Incentives ( I see them as bribes ) to go on missions is disturbing. I have seen things from buying cars, down payments on homes, to paying an entire college tuition! This is simply unacceptable. You are not rewarding them for serving a mission, you are bribing them to go. From a young age the kids go out and sing songs " I want to be a missionary ". From an early age we are telling them not that they should go if they feel prompted by the Lord, but that they WANT to go regardless!

Again, I don't want to seem anti-mission or anything...I just don't believe its for everyone! I didn't server my mission because I didn't want to. Plain and simple. However, I have known people that have served because they felt prompted to ( by the right people ) and served happily! There are great blessings in store for those that do go, but there are reasons for people not to. I know that if I would have gone on a mission I would not have been an influential factor for my fiance to join the church. I am sure that if I did go I still would be marrying her (I'd fight off anyone that tried to take her when I got back, even if that means homewrecking). I believe my MISSION was to get her into the church and eventually into the temple with me.

But oh, the trouble I got in...

The disgusted looks of priesthood leaders, the angry faces of leaders of the church. It was hard to even go to church with a smile on my face because I knew the kind of things people were thinking when I said I wasn't going to serve a mission. This is my life and my decision and I think everyone is entitled to it.

On the next note... Callings

This is one thing that I have never been able to work out in my head. The church needs these callings filled in order to run it. However, certain callings I have held have made other aspects of my life suffer due to them. Many times I have had to sacrifice study time on tests in order to plan a lesson for church. I missed out on study time in order to go to mutual because I was the president of my quorum and "had" to be there as a leader.

I know many of them are beneficial for aspects of your life but some of them hurt too much for the benefit that they hold.

I have never turned down a calling, nor do I plan on doing it. However, the right calling for the right person is something I don't think is always fully considered. Someone enrolled in 18 credits working full time shouldn't have a high-demand calling. It happens....a lot.

I guess in short is, the church should be a bit more understanding.

Not every able-bodied male should have to serve a mission. I know that's not the official position the church holds, but it might as well be.

Not every calling should be available just because someone is without a calling. The right calling for the right person at the right time.

I want this to be known though more than anything else.



Saturday, November 13, 2010

The Life We Choose to Live

Well, once again I have failed to keep up with posting on this regularly. I should give up on that futile idea and just say that Ill update as I can :)

As far as that goes, where do I even begin?

Live is so crazy, and lately I have felt it. It's finally all caught up with me and has just been wearing me down. I always chalk it up to working too much or having too much homework, but that is SO not the case. I could handle that kind of work, because its not a heavy load. I need to find these stresses that are waying down on me, and fight them off. I shouldn't normally be tired on a Wednesday at 8p.m. but I am! However, i let the littlest of things annoy me some days. What kills me are the days when no one is grateful! Just the other day I held the door open for AT LEAST 4 elderly people. People that I would of hoped lived through chivalry and all that. NONE of them even thanked me or recognized me for my effort. I couldn't believe it! That wore me down so much when I went into work, and I could see my personality changed at the register.

Whats been hurting most lately I think is I just feel straight up lonely. The only family that I should/want to care about in Vegas right now is my mom. I miss my siblings to death and I love visiting Utah so much for that reason. I can see that they miss me when I am up there, but I don't know. It doesn't feel the same as when they visit. I do everything I can to spend every waking moment with them because they are only there for a few days. When I visit we just see each other when we can and call it good? I hate it so much! They are so much older, and I think that has always affected the relationship between us all(granted, we did have different mothers, but that never really mattered in my eyes). I wish I had a sibling my I could have the relationship that my siblings have with each other. Being an only child is such a downfall that I wish I had control over, however that is completely beyond the scope of my powers and isn't even worth fantasizing about.

When I get back home, I am going to visit dads gravesite. I havent been there in much too long of a time and he needs to be seen more often. I love visiting him and cleaning off his stone. I feel like the gardener for him that he was for everyone else. Complete reminder of the circle of life in this world :). I wish he was around right now, I need a male role model. I need a father figure. I need a guiding light to shed some advice on what I need to do with my life. Im spinning down a pit of confusion on the next step in my life. I always ask myself"what would dad do?" and I can never really answer it with the certainty that he would actually do that. He was such an amazing role model that I will never be able to fill his shoes. I could try to be like him, try to make that impact on peoples lives like he did. I wont. I can't. Without his guiding light, I never will be able to.

....but I want to. I want to be who he was. I want to make people smile like he did. I want to make people remember me as a good man. I want people to know they can count on me. I want people to trust me. I want to be that warm spirit in the room. I want to be everyones friend.

Just tell me how...Show me what to do!

On the topic of what to do, I made a step to being more like my father today. I received the Melchezedik Priesthood, given to me by my brother, Matt. It was such a wonderful experience having it done by him. I truly felt like my dad was there, hands on my head with my brother. Inspiring him with things to say to bless me for my future, for my potential. I never will forget the feeling I had that day. Its not the first time I have felt my dad being with me, and I sure hope it isn't the last. Dustin was also able to step into the circle as well, and it was such a joy to have him there.

The male role models in life that I have are wonderful, but they're just not the right authority figure that I am seeking. I cant go to my brother for advice I would seek from my father. They sure are older but they aren't THAT much older :)

I swear I am bipolar when I write these...

A week or so ago, I realized that I want a fresh start. I dont know exactly what that means but it is what it is. I dont know if I need new people in my life, if I need a new location, or if I just need to change how I think about things. All I know is that change is around the corner and its ready to knock me on my heels if I am not ready.
I am not the biggest fan of change though. Its different, hard to adjust too, and most times others dont like it, even if you do. 9 times out of 10 there is some negative side to change. Cant please everyone right?

I will experience change, whether I want to or not.
Last question I have to ask however, is...
Will I be ready, to accept what has changed? or do I dismiss it as unneccesary?

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Just Another Day...

Well - Things were good for a while. Like all things, the too-good becomes to the too bad, and its now happening on a regular basis.

I need a new hobby, something independent. I don't do much on my own anymore - I think that is a problem. Even when I play video games it has something to do with helping someone out. I need something that helps me. I need something selfish.

Ive never been one to WANT to care for myself. 9 times out of 10 I will risk something of my own to help that of another. I get shot down a lot for it, with little thanks or no appreciation at all. It is a weird road to travel down, but I do it on a daily basis. I need a detour, I need a fork in the road, I need an alternate route. I want something to change for the better in my life. I want something for myself.

Any suggestions?

On another note - Im tired of being taken granted of. Sure, I want to help you out - but it doesnt mean thats all I live for. Say thanks once in a while. I get on hands and knees to do some of the things I do, and for what? Rude comments? Unfair actions? Its uncalled for and deserves some action taken against it. I don't, because I cant. Its not that I cant do anything about it, its more of a "I can't do anything because I am too nice of a person" I let people walk on me, and its detrimental to my happiness. Sometimes I want to use a baseball bat on a face, and other times a saw to a limb. At the end of the day I don't, because even then I feel like I can help them in someway.

All in all, suck it up Seth.


Monday, July 12, 2010

Oh How Life Keeps You So Busy

It's been a long time, blog. Oh how I have missed you.

I've done quite a bit of changing over the time since my last post. A lot for which I will consider good. I'm slowly but surely kicking my pc addiction to the curb. I've been playing my ps3 with friends a lot more lately. It feels good! I didn't get it for just blurays!

While on the topic - I got Zombieland and Inglorious Bastards on blurry a little while ago. I forgot how much I loved both of those movies. Nothing is better than a little Tallahassee and a little BearJew! Zombieland I had watched pretty recently, so I remembered the funny parts but Inglorious Bastards, that had me rolling on the floor! I got J'Aime to watch zombieland, and she definently liked it! For some reason when bill Murray got shot, she felt like laughing like a maniac. It was funnier to watch her than the movie!

Also, with the new iPhone update I downloaded iBooks. Curious by how it worked I looked up some books. I liked the layout and ended up getting Ender's Shadow. Holy smokes! What an amazing read! I had just finished it last night! If you have read Enders Game, take the time to read about Bean, his shadow.

Home has turned into a pseudo work place! My mother and I are each redoing our bathrooms! It's turned into a very big job, but I believe I'll be quite happy with the end result. Until then I'll just have to keep working! Ugh!

Finally, on to a more emotion filled topic. J'Aime and I are still happily together! Sure while things get rough here and there, she is always still so amazing. Ludacris has a song that I said reminds me of her and it says (I'm paraphrasing) I can't live with you, I can't live without you. While I told her it's not 100% true, she chuckled because she knew what I meant. We each drive each other a little crazy, but that's love, right? Heh.

I have a new quote that I have fallen in love with, and I believe its something they say in the military - but I heard it in church today when they were talking about the prophets. It goes like this

----Ours Is Not To Question Why----
----Ours Is But To Do And Die------

I'm officially on twitter. I quite like it.

Until next time [which I hope won't be as long as this time]

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Cruisin' Along

This past week or two has just flown by super fast. I've been so busy with so many things its unbelievable! However, a lot of things happened that need to be brought up!

Last weekend, J'Aime was able to come into town. Things turned out much better than we both thought they would. We had an absolutely amazing weekend together, and now she is only a week away from coming home. FOR GOOD. Finally, right? :] Anyways, in one weeks time I will be loading up into my car with the rest of her family, and we will be driving up to get her. It should be a good drive, just like last time - hopefully it will go by fast. I know that when she gets into the car I'll be floating, and I could careless how long the drive is.

Mothers Day just passed, and it was enjoyable. While I sadly woke up to late to make breakfast, I was able to cook dinner! With the observant eye of my mom, I made sloppy joes! (By the way, absolutely yummy!) We ate dinner together, and she really enjoyed the sentimental card I got. That was a shocker to her, since I usually get the joke-ish cards. :)

Work has been busy lately! I'm working 6 days this week, 5 last week, but these next few upcoming weeks will be a little lighter, with the trip to San Diego and the trip to SLC!

Speaking of the trip to SLC, Holy Crap! Troy is getting married! I can finally have an even number of brothers and sisters! Its about fricken time. Now I can have an EASY 3/3 split! :D Now, if only they all lived in Vegas instead of Utah, then I could be a bit happier, but oh well. Win some lose some, life goes on!

On a sadder note, I realized that in one weeks time it will be 5.19.2010. 4 Years have passed. Its weird having this date come around. Never been a big fan of May, and don't think I ever will be. However, I will be easily distracted that day (Driving to Cali), hopefully that will help. It'll be a somber day though. Hopefully I can make it out to the cemetery. Definitely [got it right first try!:D] going to be dreading June 20. Father's day is never a fun day anymore...

Can't wait to see all my fam at the end of the month. I need myself a good vacation.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Don't Bother...

Well, well, well...Today was a long, drawn out - extremely unpleasant day. Started the day out with waking up early, wishing for more sleep. Following the usual morning routine of shower/brush teeth/youtube, etc...I journeyed off to UNLV. After a PAINFUL class in Psych, I waited to go into my math class. Today wasn't just any ordinary day, I had exam #3 (out of 4). I feel like I did...mediocore[it's spelt wrong, dont care grammar nazis!]. After pulling my hair out through the test, I headed home. I was hungry, so I wanted to get some Carle's Jr (2x Western Bacon Cheeseburgers for $4!) Only to find out that I didn't have my wallet. I had to run home just to turn and go back. Ugh! After I was at home for a little bit working on my next english paper, I had to go to work. Work started pretty good, and then I had to stay in the store with a certain someone. Let's just say its a REALLY good thing it was slow. I had to stay an extra 40 minutes because a certain someone couldn't have me leave at 10, one manning the store until 10:30 when the graveyard shift is to show up. Upon leaving the store, arguements spring up from J'Aime. Ugh. What I would give for a vacation right now...


Monday, April 19, 2010

Monday Morning Once Again...

The Start of Another Long Week!
Well, Monday is here again. Woke up earlier than my alarm clock - uncool. Fell back asleep, then woke up again [earlier than the alarm clock AGAIN] - Even more uncool.

Yesterday was such a long day...
Sat through church with a pretty nasty upset stomache that I've been rockin' for a while now. Just need to throw up or something, although I would rather not. Then we went over to the Baile House for dinner with the grandparents. That was a nice experience, I just am not all that social with that part of the family. It has gotten easier over the years, but it is still just rough.

Today however, Monday, I'm going to do something I never thought I would. My mother and I will be heading down to the apple store today and picking her up a brand new iPhone. :O Yeah thats right folks, she is going to do it! Something tells me she will love it, and if not - well...she will love it. :] I'm very curious as to how today will go. I don't work today, so that is one bonus - Its my only day off until Sunday though.

Everyday that goes by it feels so empty. I'm almost down to having only one immediate family member in town, girlfriend won't be here for another month, and my best friend has been on vacation off and on for a month :\ It's me vs. the world, or something like that. I need a vacation, badly. Summer, where art though?

I need to find a spot out there, like my sister once had. "The Secret Spot" that no one ever knew about, and cars died at. :) I need just a place to escape to - to be able to run away from it all.

Today is Monday, and I have a long ways to go.